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Jared Chandler ( @_JaredChandler ) Twitter Profile

_JaredChandler

Jared Chandler

https://t.co/Ue3hWjRNBc

Colorado, USA

Joined on 3 September, 2013

  • 26 Tweets
  • 279 Followers
  • 507 Following

You ever fix a weggie that just changes your whole outlook on life?

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Quoted @jimmyfallon

...@TheRock at 15 ➡️ Me at 15

➡️Me at 15

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Just popped a big ol’ zit and it was clean!

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Beware of guac that looks too good too be true

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Today I smoked a cigarette and could barely see the smoke coming out of my mouth bc #theworldisonfire

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Quoted @_JaredChandler

Had my first open mic tonight #TheJager

Holy shit this was over 6 years ago

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Yo shout out to anybody that's answered a text at 2am

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Replying to @Things4WhitePpl: Not dinosaurs

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I just sneezed my gum into my shirt while driving in a hot car. It's a situation.

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Who do I talk to to get a vending machine fired? And vice versa if I want to tip one

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Does anyone know where my Kindle is? I'm desperate it's not in the freezer where I usually keep it.

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Soap is the best gift for dads. Dads love soap. And moms. Soap is great go soap!

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Replying to @HileeJ: Where’s the live action Treasure Planet Disney? Huh bitch

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Where’s the live action Treasure Planet Disney? Huh bitch

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High Brau Taphouse August 30th
Beach Please Comedy at Tower 55 Ausust 21st!
I'll try and be safe in between then but no promises!

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I mostly go to Starbucks to use their bathroom. Just doing my part.

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Check out this show in Ft. Collins this Saturday!!! JokeChella is an amazing showcase featuring dozens of comedians from all over Colorado! I'll be doing a 90sec set in the 7:30 show!

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I JUST SPILLED GRAVY EVERYWHERE!!!

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PEOPLE ARE STILL DRIVING HUMMERS

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